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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Obama's First State Dinner and General McCrystal

In honor of the visit of Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh the Obamas are throwing their first Grand White House State Dinner. Guest at this massive dinner will number over 320 souls exceeding the measly 140 of the Bush years. Never let it be said the Obamas can't throw a party. World renown Alabama chef, Moses Jefferson Washington, has been called to the White House for this lavish event.

Michelle Obama in her preparation for this grand dinner recently took stock of the sprawling White House freezer and found it lacking many of the items vital for a successful grand dinner. Shocked she raced to the Oval office where Barack was meeting with General Stanley McCrystal on the minor matter of the war in Afghanistan, she ordered him out of the room and set down with Barry to plan the all important Grand State Dinner while General McCrystal paced the floor outside the Oval Office. Together Barry and Michelle made out the massive list that included the following items: watermelons, ham hocks, tripe, chittlins, hominy, chicken wings, malt liquor, grits, pickled pigs feet, sweet potatoes, turnip greens and hog jowls. Guess this settles the issue of him being a closet Muslim. But then we all knew that he loves "Pork".

They presented the list to the dozen or so Secret Servant agents who are assigned to run important errands for the president and sent them on their way to a market in Georgetown. Mean while back at the White House General McCrystal continued to pace back and forth outside the Oval Office. Upon arrival at the grocery the agents began the task of filling the massive order. First they approached the watermelons and gathered up a quality of these tasty melons--noting they came from Mississippi (the president didn't have to know this, they thought-so they carefully removed the stickers). Next, they found the illusive ham hocks (gross they thought), and gathered in three times as many of the unsightly things as they had the watermelons. Next, was a hard to find item, the tripe (wondering what it was they scooped up four times as many packages of the tripe as they had watermelons in there fast filling baskets. Then it was on to the chittlins (they didn't have a clue what they were getting by this time) upon finding the little critters they quickly gathered up half the number of them as they had the tripe. Down the aisle they continued to the canned hominy, gathering up twice as many cans of this awful looking stuff as they had watermelons. Then it was on to the chicken wings, there they hauled in twice as many packages of wings as they had tripe. Down the aisle farther they found the 16 ounce cans of Malt Liquor gathering in an astounding number of cases---three times as many cases of Malt Liquor as compared to the number of packages of tripe. Whats a grit, they found them on isle 3 and proceed to gather three times as many boxes of grits that of the number of melons they had. The buggies were getting full, but being loyal Americans they continue on filling the order of Barack. Next they came across the pickled pigs feet--they recoiled--but grabbed up an astounding number of jars of the strange looking things, a number equal to four times the number of boxes of tripe they had captured earlier in their great expedition. Finally, they were standing in front of the infamous hog jowls and scooped up a number equal to three times the number of melons they had.

Not quite the end of the story. While in this store next to the George Washington University the agent's, being the trained men they are, took note on all the going on around them. During their trips up and down the aisles they heard the word "hoes" twice as many times as the number of melons in their baskets. And the word "mother-fuc...kers" was over heard twice as much as "ho's". Finally, the word "dude" was used an astounding number of times twice as much as "MF's". When they got back to the White House they were amazed at the numbers. Counting all the grocery items and the times "ho's, MF's, and Dude" were used the total number was 2479.

My question is this: how many items of each was purchased and how many times were the three words used---yes there is an answer. Sounds like bullsh*t doesn't it. Get a grip this is only one page just imagine the 2000 page health care bill with 7 pages devoted to spelling out just one word (Louisiana). These people in Washington just don't want you to know the truth. The bigger question is this. How in the hell can Barry justify this lavish event in view of the momentous spending in a two trillion $2,000,000,000,000 dollar stimulus and health care bill laden with more pork than Barack's and Michelle's grocery list.

It is late , the night of the Grand State Dinner and in the hall way outside the Oval Office General McCrystal still waits for the Command-in-Chief. The sounds of the glutinous disciples of Obama feasting on the huge mounds of pork fill the rooms, then suddenly McCrystal sees a pale figure moving quickly toward him from the end of the long corridor. As the figure closes the distance, the General realizes that its the president who is as white as the sheet of a Klansman. Trembling the president stands before the puzzled general and with a stammering voice says, "general, I just received a report that some 1000 Taliban fighters have overrun a army base in Pakistan and are now in control of several dozen Nukes. What are we going to do?" General Stanley McCrystal smiles and as he turns to walk away replies, "Barry, I'll get back with you on that in three or four months." The silence is overwhelmed by the smell of pork that fills the air!!!

by Ron Russell

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